In my six decades, I’ve gone through enough to realize that life is going to be filled with change, and setbacks caused by events we didn’t plan for.

Here’s the key to dealing with them:

“Expect them”

Instead of cowering back, feeling like a victim, getting angry at the world, or wondering why life’s not fair, you have to learn that these crises are opportunities to learn great lessons and build character.

It’s not fun when you’re going through it, but if you surround yourself with a group of people you can trust, they can give you objective advice and perspective. And when they’re also open and vulnerable about their own issues, downfalls, and drawbacks, you’ll realize that no one has it all figured out.

Don’t try to “just get through it” yourself. Otherwise, you’re punishing yourself. We need to look for opportunities to come out on the other side with lessons learned that can help us be the leaders God wants us to be.

It’s hard to be a leader when you’re down in the hole, trying to dig your way out. That’s why you want good people around you who you trust and can give you guidance. I sometimes don’t want to hear the things my good friends and advisers will tell me: David, you need to up the ante here – you really kind of dropped that ball…

But they’re just trying to say:

“Hey, if you want to learn a lesson, here’s the opportunity. Will you take it and learn from it?”

You can go forward and share that leadership with those around you. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show that you’re willing to step back up to the plate, take another swing, and figure out a new way to do it.